Hashtag Threading The Needle

This post is probably going to be a shorter one--sorry 'bout it. I know I don't post often anymore, but I'm busier now than I was in the summer when I started this. Really, this post is almost an open letter to all of my friends and acquaintances. There's something I want to say to all of you that is hard to say to each individual in person. Don't worry, it's not a bad thing.

I like telling people how I feel about them. If you talk to me on a regular basis, I've probably told you how much I appreciate you for being in my life and being awesome for that specific reason I found you awesome that day. This is easy to do for me. I find it easy to tell someone that I appreciate them, and I still feel like I want to do it more often, but I don't want it to lose its meaning. It would be extremely ironic for the word "appreciate" to depreciate in meaning.

It's easy to tell someone that you like the relationship you have with them. It's easy to say that you like where you are and that, while you'd obviously always welcome positive change, you would be totally fine if things were like this with them forever. What's hard is telling someone that you don't like the relationship you have with them--telling them that you wish you could be more open with each other or that you talked more often--especially when circumstances don't really allow any sort of change in the direction you wish.

So here's me, saying to everyone that I have a few relationships in my life that I want to improve. Who doesn't, right? I would tell you outright if I could, and maybe I have but haven't expressed it completely. There are certainly those people I have no idea how to approach--no matter how much I want to. I'm sorry I've kept quiet to them--it's just sometimes hard for me to tell if they appreciate having me around as much as I appreciate having them in my life. I guess really what I'm asking here is for them to let me know.

I'm a social person. I enjoy making friends and learning about their lives and supporting them when and if they need it. People that I feel like I click with will always be a priority to me, so I just want you all to know that. Yes, I've got a lot on my plate. Yes, I appreciate having people to talk to regardless of this fact. Actually, I feel that I need breaks sometimes when no one is available to chat with, and that honestly sucks--especially when there are people available to talk to that I have literally no clue how to start a conversation with. So yeah. If you want me to be comfortable talking to you, show me that you're willing to help me achieve that level of comfort--otherwise I will continue to let things be left unsaid and leave you be. I'm assuming if you got this far that you actually care what I have to say, so know this: I'm willing to mend ties, but I need help threading the needle, you know? I think you get it. I'll be around if you ever want to talk.

--J