Hashtag Moving Forward

This might be a shorter one, but there's a few things I feel that I really need to say.

Let me start by saying this: I know what my past was like, and while I have fond memories, there are a lot of things I don't want to repeat. When we make mistakes, we learn from them--and we all make mistakes. Even I, who at one time probably thought I knew everything about the world, make mistakes. A lot of mistakes. And I'm coming to realize that I actually don't know that much at all. I've been known lately to not be one-hundred-percent definitive in my answers even if I know for a fact that something is true. And if I do say something definite, there are usually caveats or qualifications which soon follow. Kind of like what I did right there.

As a further caveat, I'd like to say this: once you have moved forward, I find it is actually very difficult to move backwards and do the same things again. It's kind of like that debate about time travel--if I could go back in time to a specific point in my timeline, and not know anything I didn't already know at the time, I would make the same decision, because nothing about the situation had changed. It's only when I go back after having learned something new that I can react differently to the same situation and make the outcome better. Of course, we can't do time travel (not backwards, at least), but when we revisit a place or a person we can have a different, improved view or reaction to it/them.

I'm going to go to a video game example because I'm a game designer and I just like doing that. As you might already know, I've been playing the remake of Wind Waker for Wii U a lot lately, and I'm really liking it. Wind Waker was my favorite Zelda, and now this revised version definitely trumps it. Even revisiting the same islands, most of which are exactly the same, I feel like I'm having more fun, mostly because of the new mechanics. The swift sail lets me get to islands quicker, which means less idle time, and the fact that the pictobox holds twelve pictures instead of three makes figurine hunting a ton of fun because I don't have to drop what I'm doing after I take just three pictures. It's the same concept, but it's being done better, which makes it worth replaying, in my opinion (honestly, though, guys... Nintendo isn't paying me to sell more copies of their game. I just really like it). When games get revamped like this, I appreciate it, because it makes me go back to the game with a better attitude. "It seems like it's been improved." Even if it's only an update, improvements make you come out of similar situations with a better attitude than you had the first time.

I'd like to think that lessons we learn from games can be applied to real life, and vice versa. I truly believe that--given you've learned from your past--there is no way to go but forward. If you are truly afraid to go backward, then you know enough to not let yourself do so. You know what got you in trouble the last time and what to do differently this time. You can decide that, if the circumstances are different--if you're different--you can make a change for the better. And I encourage you all to make that change.

It doesn't matter what the change is. Whether you've gained respect for someone or something, or you see something in a different light, respond to it. If you really love to play a certain game, don't give up on it. Learn from the mistakes you made, beat your high score over and over, and do what you love. All that matters in life is making it a good one--so go out and make your life a good one.

Hashtag Machiavelli

Kids. Sometimes I just don't even know how to deal with them. I mean, they're only eight, so they aren't really that worldly yet, but some of them can be really witty and clever. A little too clever for us counselors sometimes, in fact.

I have one camper who will manipulate the system and find loopholes to get his way. It started with him asking to go to the bathroom at least ten times a day. I figured that he just wanted to get out of whatever it was that we were all doing but, of course, we had to take him whenever he asked at first, just in case it was a medical issue. After a few days, though, I called bullshit and started denying him whenever he asked--saying that he was just going to go in, walk around in a circle, and come back out--to which he retaliated by going to another counselor or the group leader. The kid was smart enough to not go to the same counselor twice in a row up to this point, mind you. It was only when we all started telling each other when we took him to the bathroom that he started having some trouble.

After about a week of denying him bathroom trips, he slowly stopped trying to go all the time. For a while, he was cooperative. But I could tell he was scheming. The next chapter started when he found out that you get free pretzels when you go to the nurse.

The first trip was legit--he had given himself "gaga knuckles" from playing gaga ball on pavement (if you don't know what gaga ball is, it's sort of like dodgeball, but you have to hit the ball with your fist and try to knock it into other players' legs to get them out). But then, the next day, we had a special guest come in to play Simon Says with all of the campers. Apparently little mister Machiavelli wasn't entertained enough, and he wanted a pretzel, so he reopened the scab from the day before so we would take him to the nurse. On the way back I asked him, "Did you just hurt yourself so you could get a pretzel?" and he laughed. He knew I was onto him. But there wasn't anything I could do, because I had to take him to the nurse if he was hurt.

He's been giving himself minor scrapes and bruises every now and again lately--whenever he gets hungry, I guess. Or if he doesn't want to play. On days when we're extra strict about participation, he's been known to fake an injury. Since we won't buy that anymore, he has to give himself a real one. Never anything major, of course. Just enough to warrant a bandage and a pretzel.

We really have no choice but to let him keep doing it. We can't stop him from hurting himself every second of the day, and if we say that the wounds aren't enough to warrant a trip to the nurse, he'll only do more damage. He's got us right where he wants us. Bravo, sir. Bravo.

Hashtag Perfection

We're told that there's no such thing as perfect, and yet we seek perfection in the things we do. We classify things into categories even when such a thing cannot be done. Order and chaos mesh together in this universe of ours, forming a balance that we as humans still do not fully understand, no matter how much we might try.

"Perfect" does not mean perfect the way we use it. It means "as close to perfection as physically possible." When you look for someone who is "perfect for you," you will often make a few compromises. Everyone has a pet peeve, and you can always have too much of a good thing. So what is perfect? What does it mean when someone is perfect for you?

I don't know. I do know that you should probably have some commonalities, but that differences are also important. What should be similar, though? And what should be different? That really depends on the person. And, of course, both parties have to agree. So much has to match up, it's a wonder we can ever find our soulmates at all.

And yet somehow we can find people we have enough in common with to have a close relationship with them. How do we find people that we get along with that well? Is it really fate that we meet our close friends and significant others? Or is it co-misery? Is it, perhaps, that we are drawn to the same things because of our interests, and stay there because there are others who have been through enough similar shit to understand us? Is it because being understood feels good, and so we seek people who understand us? And, of course, there's the possibility that being with people for longer periods of time helps them understand us, because they have a chance to learn patterns from us and how we act.

I know that I can get kind of cynical at times, but I don't want that to make it seem like I don't value friendship or love. I appreciate my friends, but I still don't understand what I would even want out of that special someone. Maybe I'm fooled by high expectations, and love isn't actually about finding perfection, but finding something that makes you happier than the other things in your life that make you sad. Maybe it's about finding someone who you never feel uncomfortable around, just so you can have an anchor in your life--something unchanging that will always be there, keeping you grounded. Maybe it's supposed to be a little boring. But maybe that's why you make it fun.

Maybe you should put all that effort into being romantic. And maybe you should try to keep it fresh and new. Maybe the reason so many relationships fail is because they all get comfortable and stop being exciting. But maybe comfort and excitement don't have to be mutually exclusive. Maybe you can have both. And maybe you can do things on a whim with that special person, and still be able to come home to your place at the end of the day, just like always.

Maybe--just maybe--we can find perfection in imperfection. Maybe perfection isn't strictly order, but the balance of order and chaos. Maybe perfection is something the universe has already figured out, and it's waiting for us to follow suit.

So for all of you out there who don't know who that someone is, maybe what you should do instead of looking for someone who is you is look for someone who isn't. Look for someone who throws you curveballs, but still manages to make you excited and hungry for more. Look for someone who makes you want to be adventurous when you're not, or random when you're calculated. Look for someone who you can always have fun around, regardless of what you're doing, just because they try their hardest to make it fun. In other words, look for someone who will make you live.

Hashtag Card Games on Motorcycles?

I really don't like Yugioh. I remember when it first came out, back when I was a huge Pokemon fanboy, and I considered Yugioh and Digimon to be the most slanderous knock-offs in the world. I've since forgiven Digimon. Yugioh is not so lucky.

I've been getting back into the swing of playing Magic: the Gathering lately, as you all probably already know because I mention it all the gosh dang time. In any case, I can look at commons now and see potential uses for pretty much all of them--whereas I used to only see uses for cards that fit into decks I had. Now that I have a better understanding of the game, and experience against multiple play styles, my vision is unclouding and the possibilities are unfolding before me. When I look at Yugioh cards, however, this does not happen.

And I doubt it's because I don't know the game well enough. There aren't really that many complex mechanics in Yugioh that all interlock and create interesting scenarios. Instead, there are a few mechanics with many specific instances. The cards are designed in such a way that they often mention other cards, or require other cards to work to their full potential.

Now, I'm not saying that the cards in Magic: the Gathering don't play off of each other for amazing combos, because they do. What I'm saying is that--even at a draft--I've never seen two Magic: the Gathering players with the same cards on either side of the battlefield. And yet when I watch Yugioh, which I've seen much less of, I come across players who appear to have almost the same exact deck.

There are multiple reasons why this is bad design--the first being that relying on the player having certain cards to use another card they just got doesn't make their new card readily accessible, which just doesn't feel satisfying. When you get a really rare and powerful card, your first urge is to build a deck around it, which you can usually do in Magic if you have a good amount of cards. In Yugioh, however, you might not have the other cards that the new one refers to--perhaps because the types of monsters it mentions are all-new and you haven't found any yet. Now you have to go and buy more booster packs and hope that you get what you need. Granted, it's great for sales, but it just feels so scummy. At least with Magic you'll usually get crappier versions of the cards you want that cost more to cast or something. Like counter spells. So many counter spells. Counter spells for days.

The other big problem with Yugioh is that a lot of the cards just appear to be unbalanced. It seems like I've seen some that are totally useless and others that can destroy a player in one turn, regardless of how well either player has been playing beforehand. Even the strongest cards in Magic require some combo-ing into, so to Yugioh, I say: "Get your shit together and playtest more."

Hashtag Kids Playing Games

Here's a post that you all probably expected. I know I expected it--after all, I'm a game designer with the potential to intern at a company that makes kids games. It's only natural that I should learn how kids play games. And what better forum to do that at than a camp?

The first thing to note about kids is that they take their play extremely seriously--probably because it's a high percentage of what they do on a daily basis. This is something I've already mentioned in a post, but I want to expand on it a little more, and this time talk about gaming in a more traditional sense than "vidya games"--sports and card games. Naturally, these are the games I witness kids playing the most at camp, though some of my campers bring their 3DS systems with their Pokemon games to play very briefly at arrival and dismissal.

Now, during a few of my game design courses at RPI, we've touched upon the way rules are imposed and enforced within games of varying media. Video games have the benefit of written code to provide rigidity to the rules that govern gameplay, but card games, board games, and sports do not. This leaves more room for the players to cheat the system, and I think we all know some kids who like to test the limits of what they can get away with.

In my experience in particular, I've noticed a wide spectrum of rule-breaking occur. Some campers legitimately have a hard time grasping the rules--and, of course, there's always a learning curve--but others willingly break the rules and try to pass it off like they aren't doing anything that is considered illegal within the bounds of the game. They'll say "I didn't know that was a rule" or "since when?" or "I thought it was okay, so long as [insert stipulation here]." This behavior often inspires the added rule of: "If the counselor says you're out, then you're out." They try to fight this one, too, naturally. Sometimes they'll fight it verbally, other times they'll just pretend as though they can't hear you. The latter method is obviously the more frustrating of the two.

As a counselor, the best way to combat this kind of rule-breaking is to know the rules of the game inside and out. In gaga ball (if you don't know what this is, you probably haven't been to camp. Don't feel bad, I didn't know what it was until I became a counselor) if you hit the ball over the wall of the arena, you're out. As an addition to this rule, if someone catches the ball that went out of bounds before it bounces, they can choose to enter the arena, even if they had previously gotten out that game. A few of my campers will lean over the wall in an attempt to grab the ball while it's still in the ring, claiming that's grounds for re-entry, and we have to re-explain the rules every time.

Sometimes, however, you won't be so lucky as to know the rules of a game you're playing with kids. One of my campers insisted on teaching me Yugioh after I taught him how to play Magic: the Gathering. Of course, I didn't completely understand what was going on, but I had a good idea as a designer as to what seemed fair. If any of the kids played a card, I would immediately read what it said. A lot of the time the campers had no idea what their cards even did, and I ended up being the one explaining it to them based on what I already knew about the game, as well as some MTG knowledge. Sometimes it seemed like they were trying to trick me into letting all of my monsters be sent to the graveyard prematurely, but other times I could tell they truly didn't understand what the words on the cards meant.

And I guess that's really the thing with kids: they play the way they want. They have no use for energy cards in Pokemon, all they care about are the numbers next to the attacks and the HP total at the top. They judge cards entirely by power alone, and not secondary effects, which is totally okay for novice players of any game. Learning the basics first is always better than attempting to learn it all at once.

At some point, though, they have to learn the full extent of the rules to whatever game it is they're playing. And this isn't just me saying "They need to learn to play games right because I'm a game designer and I said so blah blah blah." Kids can be brutal when it comes to play. They need to let you know that you're out the second the ball touches your leg in gaga, because they know that--if they were in your shoes--they might try to cheat and say it never touched them. It's a terrible double standard, but it's the way kids play at the age I work with. Some of them get frustrated by the instantaneous chorus of "you're out"s that can be heard immediately after the ball makes contact with their body. They shout "I know, I know!" as they leave the game to stand on the sidelines and peer over the wall. The mentality seems to be "I can cheat, but don't you dare." Hopefully they'll grow out of it.

Hashtag Kids Say The Darn'dest Things

Sometimes I find myself having a hard time keeping my composure around my campers. There are times when I can't help but laugh at the things they say--and not always because they're trying to be funny.

A lot of people find the stories that kids tell to be boring or insipid, and I have reason to believe kids often agree. Many a time, a camper has been telling me a story, lost their way with words, and decided to just abruptly change the subject without finishing their tale. I'm not sure if it's ADD, or if they suddenly decide that what they're saying isn't interesting enough.

I would rather hear the conclusions to their stories, though. They get me hooked, and now I'm stuck with a whole closet full of clothes hangers. Wait. I mean cliff hangers. Yeah. Those.

Another thing kids do that I think is hilarious is repeat what they hear. Naturally as a camp counselor I have to be very aware of this, and regulate what I say accordingly. Sometimes I like to have fun with it, though.

For example: today one of my campers had Nilla Wafers. I love Nilla Wafers. So naturally I said, "Yo, Nilla Wafers are biscuits from the gods." And what does he do? Immediately runs over to the other campers and says "Hey, who wants some biscuits from the gods?" Love it. I am infecting them all with my quirkiness. Hashtag quirky.

I think my favorite story to tell, though, is when I kept up a ruse for about half of the camp day that my name got broken and I needed to go through the proper channels to get a new one. I discussed with my fellow counselors the forms that I would have to fill out--such as the N-83, which takes approximately three hours to complete--as well as the multitudinous fees I'd have to pay if they kept using my broken first name. I told them that I'd have to use my middle name for the rest of the day, and that if they called me anything other than "Charles" I would send part of the bill to their parents.

The ruse just kept getting more and more complicated. I started talking about how I kept my middle name and last name in a safe at home, and how I accidentally ordered the N-82 instead of the N-83. It got to the point where some of the campers were trying to help me out, telling the others to stop calling me "Justin" and to say "Charles" instead, as well as offering to pay the fees with their own hard-earned allowance money. Meanwhile, the rest of them said my name repeatedly trying to get a rise out of me while I kept saying I owed larger and larger dollar amounts. After the pandemonium reached its apex I couldn't help but burst out in laughter for a solid minute or two.

I think it's funny how kids take their play so seriously. They get so worked up about these fictional constructs and even take sides on the matter. The troublemakers pile up fictional fees and points on my license, and the philanthropists offer money they don't even have to pay the fees off. In a way, you can tell the core values of a person based on the way that they play pretend. I think that's pretty cool, and I love the diversity of the characters these kids come up with.

Hashtag Fashion Tips

I used to not really be into fashion. I guess I'm still not. I see it as a means to an end. But at least now I have some sort of style that doesn't consist of only stripes.

It consists of mostly plaid, instead, which is like stripes but even better.

And blue. Lots of blue. So much blue you'd mistake me for a blue... thing. Gonna be honest, didn't really have anything ready to go there. The point is I wear a lot of blue because it brings out my eyes.

My second-grade teacher used to say that a person's eyes never change. Your face may get chubby or wrinkly or what have you, but your eyes will look the same forever. So, naturally, I'd want to make them stand out, right? It just seems like common sense. That, and I know that I, personally, always notice other peoples' eyes before anything else. I mean, unless they aren't facing me. I don't have x-ray vision.

In today's society, we put so much emphasis on how we look. If you want a job, you have to dress the part during the interview. If you're performing, you have to wear concert dress. All employees have specific dress codes to abide by, and so on.

I used to think it was all about covering yourself with something, but there's more to fashion than that--though I guess a lot of things are more complicated than they seem on the surface. And I'm realizing it's not about the clothes you wear, but how and why you wear them. I'd be lying if I said I didn't wear blue to get more compliments on my eyes, but it's also to be noticed and recognized more easily by peers and potential business connections. Personality is something you need time to show others, but the way you dress is what entices them to give you that time. Once they've given you their attention, the floor is yours. Dazzle away.

Warning: Hashtag Deep

I occasionally get pretty serious. I try not to, but sometimes heavy things happen that I feel I should discuss, and something happened today at camp that made me really think.

It was during arrival time, and the campers were still showing up slowly but surely. One of the boys who had already been there for a while walked up to me and said:

"I'm scared."

"Scared of what?" I asked him.

"Of dying." He said.

Now, maybe it's less shocking to read, but when one of your most energetic campers says something like this out of the blue, it can be jarring. I paused briefly trying to think of how to respond to that, and eventually what came out was: "I think everyone is." Probably the most honest response I could've given. It may not be directly reassuring, but I'd like to think that a shared burden is easier to carry. Knowing you aren't the only one can be a relief.

And that was that. He clung to my arm for a few somber moments, resting his head on me. I just kind of stood there in a stupor, suddenly pondering my own mortality, wrenched out of my usual, more jovial state of mind. And then he walked away, back to his usual self, as if none of it happened. It just struck me as surreal.

I mean, I guess we never really understand mortality completely. All you know when you're that young is that the word has a striking sense of permanence, and your parents probably throw it around to teach you not to do life-endangering things. But even then, the fear of actually dying is not something you often realize until you're watching your life flash before your eyes, and you don't expect someone that young to say something like that to you.

I'm realizing more and more every day that kids are really just younger humans. It sounds obvious, but I feel like sometimes we forget that human nature still applies to them. They still have hearts and minds just like the rest of us, and they still live the human condition. They have hardships, and they find their own ways to get past them. I'd even venture so far as to say that their struggles are even harder due to lack of wisdom and experience.

Kids, despite the frequency of their crying fits, might be the strongest of us. Their resilience and willpower can be pretty inspiring when it comes down to it.

But just what IS a J-Bird?

"J-Bird" is a nickname my friend Dan gave me, actually. My real name is Justin Cirigliano. You can probably see it down there where it says "Posted by" and all that.

I figure I should probably tell a little bit about myself so that those of you who may not know me will know what to expect. There's a lot I could say here that I probably won't due to the sheer space it would all take up. Where to start, though? Let's see...

Well, for one, I'm a camp counselor this summer. You can probably already tell that if you've read the post before this one. I've been learning a lot of things from my campers--some of which I never really expected to. At least, not from 8-year-olds. It's definitely been an interesting three weeks so far, and I look forward to the rest of the summer.

As great as being a counselor is, however, my passion is game design. I started when I was in middle school, and I'm still learning more and more with each passing day--whether by playing games, talking about them, or actually getting down and dirty and programming them. Most recently my obsessions have been Wind Waker HD and Magic: The Gathering. I've been examining the differences between the old version of Wind Waker and the HD remake, all the while taking selfies of my progress through the game (probably my favorite addition to the game, if I'm being honest). And in teaching my campers how to play Magic: The Gathering, I've noticed that I'm actually thinking more critically about the game itself, both in design and execution of the concepts it presents.

So as of now, you can probably expect a lot of posts inspired by my camp job, but I might break out into game design discussions on a whim as well. And, of course, sometimes I just talk about life in general. I don't know much about psychology except for what I observe, but I do get into that sometimes, too. Really I just find things interesting and want to share. That's the only theme you're probably going to see here aside from the inherent theming of my personality and interests.

And I guess that's really it. Obviously there's more to me than just the things I listed (I like music a whole hell of a lot, too, and I sing practically non-stop), but sometimes you just gotta impose limits. You'll find out all of my opinions and similar nonsense in due time. Until then, I guess just... wait. Or scroll up if there's a new post. Y'know. Use your discretion.

The Catalyst

So I figured I'd put this here. This is the post I wrote yesterday that made me want to start this blog in the first place. I put it in italics because I like italics. And also because I don't know how to put giant quotes around it.

Today, I wore a My Little Pony shirt to camp for pajama day, as well as brought a Rainbowdash plushie, and I think the results were pretty interesting. Naturally, at first all of my campers were shocked, asking "You like My Little Pony!?" as if me wearing that shirt was some scandalous happenstance. And then, after their attempts to ridicule me (which would probably work had I an ounce of shame), two of them admitted to watching the show and liking it.

Of course, they waited until I was the only one within earshot.

I just think it's interesting how, if you show you're open to an idea, you get different reactions from people. Hopefully some of my campers will learn to be accepting so that their peers will open up to them, as well. It's certainly much nicer than being afraid to speak your mind in front of a group, and I could tell a lot of them were floored that I was bold enough to wear something they perceived as "girly". Dare to be different, I suppose.

"Pride" has become this loaded word, commonly linked to the LGBT community, but everyone can be proud of who they are--even us heterosexual folk. So go ahead. Wear that shirt that references that dorky thing that you like. And if you don't have one, buy one. Ain't no one can tell you how to dress, and they certainly can't tell you what to like.

This has been:
Hashtag Realtalk with J-Bird

So I'm doing a thing.

First Hashtag Realtalk with J-Bird:

Let's talk about how I actually have no idea how to make a blog. I'm kind of just winging it (Haha, get it? "Winging" because I'm calling myself "J-Bird"? Yeah, no. That's lame. Don't be amused by that).

So here's a post. Not sure what this will look like outside of the edit view, but whatever. Let's do this.

EDIT: Okay, so there's actually a preview button. Ha. I'm so damn talented. A natural, even.

Oy.

I guess I'll take this time to kind of explain what I'm going to do with this blog. I'm assuming it's going to be pretty much the same as the stuff I'd normally post on my wall, except with more formatting and all that fancy stuff. I'll get into a groove with it, I'm sure. Probably going to go ahead and post a copypasta of the first Hashtag Realtalk I put up on my Facebook wall yesterday so that it's here. One day maybe it'll be considered historic. Probably not. I can dream, though.

I'm predicting a mix of seriousness and snark--maybe some rants, probably a few baseless ramblings and ravings not unlike that of a madman, and perhaps a hint of self-deprivation, but all within good taste. No one wants to read about how much I hate myself, so it'll be more like "Hey, guess what I did that was stupid this time." You know. Give the people the laughs.

That's pretty much it. I guess really, I'm just going to be me. If you like me being me, then stick around. If you don't, what are you even doing here? Go home. And if you're currently in your home, go to a different website. Or don't. I really can't force you.